Have Courage To Be Yourself And Ditch What Doesn’t Serve Who You Are

Life-Purpose-Resources

 

“Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way. Be the person you are. Oho

Sometimes, we find ourselves living a life that doesn’t make us unhappy, but doesn’t make us happy either. We accept it  as a natural part of everyday life.

Maybe we have a job that pays well, with huge benefits, but doesn’t really match who we are as an individual and eats up all our energy. Or maybe we’re friends with someone who is a nice person, but the friendship just doesn’t feel right.  So, we find ourself in the grey zone of accepting, settling and compromising on our own expense.

Heck, life is too short!

Don’t you think?

Anytime I catch myself wandering in the grey zone of settling, and not respecting my core being, values, wishes and who I am. In other words anytime I compromise too much on my own expense, I know, it’s time to call it quits.

Here are some steps that have helped me figuring things out when I’ve found wandering in grey zone of life for too long. Here we go.

1. Know Yourself. Ask yourself what are those core values that are rooted in your being. Maybe you always help others, care for homeless, believe in justice or equality. In that case you need to implement those values into what you do. I’m not saying, it’s not always easy. Sure, we don’t leave in a perfect world, so the truth is sometimes we have to for our families, our kids, our spouses, but we should never compromise who we are longer than it’s absolutely necessary. We have to honor our innermost core.

2.High-five Your  Fear(s)Sometimes, we stick with something longer than we otherwise would, simply because we are afraid of the unknown that’s yet to come. We fear the not knowing, what comes next, so we hang around what makes us slowly miserable for too long.  Acknowledge the fear, notice it, give it high-five and move on. That’s a buddy you don’t want to hang around with.

3. Ditch the Mediocrity. I’ve been part of that club for too long. Let me tell ya what I think. It’s b-o-r-i-n-g. I don’t mind mediocre lifestyle, simple living. Actually, I absolutely love it. What I mean here is the mediocre mindset, that is what holds us back. So, jump into unknown and have a little fun with new ideas, people and situations.

4. Be Yourself. I always wondered back in high school, why those artist dudes (we’ve all had them in our class) never got any attention from the teachers. They did academically poorly, but they truly shined, when they were in their art zone. They never tried to fit in, they never tried to be good in math or languages, because already at young age, they knew that art was the core of who they were as individuals. I really respected that, because I tried to fit in, to be good in learning languages, while I truly enjoyed writing. It takes courage to be yourself and not fit in.

A Guide For Tough Times: How To Pick Yourself Up And Keep Walking

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“I read somewhere…how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but feel strong.”- Christopher Mc Candless (from the movie Into The Wild 2007)

Sometimes life surprises us, everything gets turned upside down, without a slightest warning. One moment we’re on top of our game, we’re enjoying life, having fun and the next moment we’re down in the mud and can’t get up.

Maybe we’ve lost our job, we have bills over our head, we can’t keep up with life and it’s demands, we are ill/get injured, we feel depressed and sad, because things didn’t turn out how we had planned or visioned. We’ve all been there, right? I know I have.

Whenever I run into tough times, I first hit what I call the pity phase. I really feel sorry for my self, I whine, complain and then complain some more. It’s like some sort of defense mechanism.

But then, something happens. I get so angry, in a good way, that I stop complaining and claim my power back.

I remember once in primary school, I told my mother, I didn’t want to go to school, because I wasn’t prepared for the huge math test we had. At the time it was one of those huge deals.

I didn’t want to fail, so I whined about the test for weeks, I hated math with all my body cells and when the day for the test finally arrived I felt like running. My mother allowed me to stay home, because I was so nervous that I was physically not well.

As I was sitting in my room, feeling sorry for myself, I woke up, got myself together and told my mother I was going to the school. I was not going to let that test take me down and turn me into a afraid coward. Yes, I was that dramatic.

Now as an adult, of course the nature of the problems has changed, but my reaction remains the same. I cry, complain, feel pity for myself, but in the end of the day, I don’t let it get me. This is the process I go through in my mind, when I find myself complaining over my situation.

  1. Turn off the scary movie in your mind. When we face any unexpected circumstances, our mind starts running horror movies in our mind. We start imagining all sort of scenarios, that have nothing to do with reality. Just notice it and then put it off. What it does, it creates endless circle of fear(s) that will keep you feeling paralyzed and helpless. It will keep you down in your lonely, pity phase. When you put it off, you literally get your power back.
  2. Remember this too will pass. Sometimes, when we feel down because of something, we can’t see further than our situation/circumstance. We seem to forget, that sunshine always comes after the rain, and that what ever it is that has kicked us down, temporarily is going to pass. Think about the last time you went through difficult times, did it eventually pass. Are you stronger, because of that? Of course. Nothing can get you unless you let it get you.
  3. Focus on the positive. So, maybe you’re lost a gig, feel depressed, can’t afford your car, or fell down the stairs and can’t walk, there are still so many things in your life that are good. Btw, the latter did happen to me lately, I couldn’t walk and I was in great pain, but I realized while in my pain that no pain is going to overshadow those two shiny smiles around me and loving rock of a husband.
  4. Accept and get proactive. Sometimes, we can take control in some way. We can take some proactive steps to avoid and maneuver the situation, but sometimes the only option available to us to take control of the circumstance is to simply accept.
  5. Yes, you’re wearing your lucky hat! If you just have one person who loves you and who you love, you’re really wearing your lucky hat, because that’s what matters the most in life.  I figured I have more people to love, than I have fingers and toes, so there is nothing really to complain about.

“Happiness is only real when shared.” -Christopher Mc Candless (from the movie Into The Wild 2007)

Modern Life Guide: 6 Ways To Get Centered When Life Feels Overwhelming

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” Dream small dreams, if you make them too big, you get overwhelmed and you don’t do anything. If you make small goals and accomplish them, it gives you the confidence to go on higher goals.” – John.H. Johnson

Once in a while I feel overwhelmed. I fantasize living on a lonely island, where time, people, commitments, information don’t run my day. I vision doing only things that matter to me, no schedules, commitments, obligations, yes, it involves an exotic drink or two and daily siesta.  You with me? Great!

I’m quite sure I’m not alone feeling like this when life gets too busy. But it doesn’t have to only be a dream, we can actually design our lives, focusing only who/what matters.

The truth is, most of us have too many things on our plate. We are more driven than ever and we want it all.

We have huge expectations to our work, passions/hobbies, family, friends. We’re constantly bombarded with new information on Facebook, Twitter, news, ads, mails and even blogs, because we’re afraid to miss out the important and relevant.

Add all the life practicalities like errands, to-do lists, commitments, bills to it and you have a nasty overwhelming cocktail.

Our lives are stuffed with information, people, things and our own thoughts.

No wonder we feel overwhelmed and many of us feel even stressed and depressed.

I get overwhelmed, when I forget to keep my attention on what/who matters to me. It’s that simple.

I’d like to share few points that I do to deal with it. Feel free to add your ideas in comments.

  1. Drop the news, magazines, reality shows. I don’t watch or read magazines, because they all try to sell us stuff by making us feel wrong about ourselves.
  2. Spend less time on social media, devices. Spend more time with real people. Meet up with friends instead of smsing or chatting online. I noticed that many people compare their lives and achievements with their friends on Facebook, where everyone seems to post only good stuff about their lives. It’s human to relate, connect, socialize, compare (admit it we all do it) and share. What many don’t realize is that these images of us and our lives on Facebook that have nothing to do with how our real life is. It’s sort of like a photo album, it only shows the good moments, not necessarily the real moments.
  3. Breath in-out. When I notice that I feel overwhelmed, I just try to breathe and notice how I feel. Sometimes I feel sad, tired, anxious, angry, so I basically just notice how I feel. Once I know how I feel, I often also notice why I feel the way I feel…and from there it’s easy to change if that’s what I want to do.
  4. What matters. Look in all the areas of your life and write down what really matters. In other words what you wish to give your attention to. I do this every time I feel overwhelmed and it’s ironic really how simple my list is. Family, health, purpose, fun.
  5. Let go. Drop some commitments. I noticed I sometimes attach myself to a commitment because of obligation or I don’t want to disappoint someone. Then again, I realized by doing that I let myself down, by feeling overwhelmed, so it’s really simple (not easy) to let go. I’ve made it a habit to evaluate my commitments and letting go what doesn’t matter or what I don’t have time for.
  6. Do nothing for 2 minutes. Here. First time I tried doing this, I failed miserably. But this time I almost fell asleep. Let me go how it goes when you try it?

Talk to me….

How do you deal with overwhelming stream of information, commitments, people, modern life? 

The Art Of Relaxation

LALAS1 004There are many of us who are naturally good at relaxing and slowing down. They just slow down even before they’re about to stress.

Then there are others, like myself, who have basically two options to choose from. Either they’re always on or they are at asleep. That’s it.

 

What’s up with that?

  Lately I’ve really worked hard on the skill of relaxation, but I have to be honest, I’m still work in progress. Although, I’ve improved a great deal, I do bounce back into my old stressful habits (more than I like to admit).

What I’ve found out is that, those of us who can’t relax, we’re always on the go, we are the doers. We are often highly driven people, who know what they want, know where they want to go and are normally good at taking care of others, but don’t quite know how to show generosity to ourselves. We don’t quite know how to slow down.

And when we do try to relax, we might feel guilty of uncomfortable wasting time, being inefficient and we get really impatient.

The problem I realized for myself,  is that we miss out on quality of life, but also creativity and innovative thoughts.

We almost never remember to enjoy, savor the life. 

Think of it as a glass of good red wine, we don’t gain anything from enjoying wine, but pleasure.

Now, imagine drinking it while you’re working on something, highly stressed, on the phone, emailing at the same time. You’ll probably not enjoy it at all. In fact I bet you’d not even notice what you’re drinking.

The same applies to not doing anything, savoring life, we need to allow ourselves be without guilt, to function normally the rest of time, so it’s really a need.

What happens when we relax?

When we relax, I mean really relax, we switch our mind off, don’t do anything and just are. Life is more enjoyable.

Our ideas get refreshed, we are more patient, kind, compassionate toward others, focused, less stressed.

So, here couple of ways I’ve found useful. We’re all different, so pick what suits you best.

  1. Remember to notice when to slow down. Most of the time, as soon as I make an effort to notice, I change, so noticing for me is really the key to slow down.
  2. Powernap. Just 10 min. Shut everything down, close your eyes and just be.
  3. Listen to music. Let’s say you’re at work, find a quiet room, sit down and listen to some music you like.
  4. Take a walk in nature. Enjoy beach, fresh air, breeze or go to the park around your place.
  5. Sleep. Seriously, sleep like a baby for 8 hours or whatever hours work for you.
  6. Lower ambitions. I personally go by saying..Rome was not built in one day. Now, actually remembering it and living it is another issue. I’m really trying.
  7. Remember who matters. Prioritize yourself and those who matter to you the most.

“Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream.” - John Lennon

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Who Makes You Smile?

Schoolgirl (4-5) looking at goldfish, smiling, side view

A Guide: 8 Ways To Survive Cubicle Lifestyle And Take Care Of Your Health

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Many of us don’t do physical labor for living, instead we work in offices, so many of us automatically assume that cubicle jobs are harmless to our health.

I thought that for a long time. Oh boy,  was a wrong. I got the point, when my back, shoulders and neck started hurting, because I sat wrong and I never stretched my muscles.

I didn’t know how to take care of myself after long office workday.

I always assumed, I don’t carry, lift, move or do anything that requires muscle work. All I do is use is my brain and my hands to move, create, change data into a laptop.

The only physical activity we do during our work hours is to walk to the bathroom, bring some water, walk over to colleague to consult/chat about something and go to lunch.

So,  how can office job like that be harmless to the health?

The truth is, we are really built to use our muscles, our strength and get physically tired.

What do most of us do 8 hours of our day?

We sit most of the time and many of us hardly move.

Our posture is stiff, our mind is filled and constantly bombarded with more information, the creativity and fun at work is often minimum (unless you’re lucky).  And most of us are afraid to fail, because it’s expected for us to produce results. Therefore, we do as expected, produce results as expected but don’t put our heart into what we do.

Let’s look closer, how our jobs can affect our health

  • When we don’t put our heart in our job, we lose and our employers lose (innovation, creativity)
  • Muscle pain in shoulders
  • Sensitive fingers
  • Back pain
  • Overwhelming amount of information
  • Job design doesn’t fit our personality
  • We use only our mind most of the day
  • We look into a screen, without blinking our eyes.
  • We don’t have much influence on our work environment
  • Office policies
  • Not enough time/resources/space for creativity
  • Office noise
  • Bad air circulation
  • Wrong diet (most of us eat as if we perform physical labor, so we gain weight)

So, what to do?

Sure, we can always change a job, but every place has its own good and not so good.

Instead let’s take a proactive position and look into how we can tailor our cubicle around our own personality.

  1. Are you introvert or extrovert? It helps to know which one are you, so you can be aware how you get your energy. There is some misunderstanding, hyped popularity around extroverts and introverts are considered suitable only for specific workplaces/jobs. I believe, there is some misunderstanding here. Introverts can be highly outspoken people, very social and fun, but the difference from extroverts is that they regain their energy from solitude, while extroverts get their energy talking to people. Let’s say you had big project you just finished. Extroverts share the success with coworkers and probably celebrate, while introvert needs to reboot alone and is then able to join celebration. Know how you regain your energy, to take good care of yourself.
  2. Breaks during the day. In most offices it’s not possible to be in a quiet place. Even just close the eyes for a second and just be. Maybe even meditate. Most workplaces are designed in a way that we are forced to interact at all times. Most of the times we take our breaks with our coworkers, because we don’t want to be rude, while all we really want is to be on our own for 5-10 min without any talks. if you don’t have quiet rooms at your office, go out to get fresh air for 5 min alone. Just take a break from the noise and all the information. Do a quick meditation in the bathroom. Refresh your mind.
  3. Notice what foods make you tired. For example, I’ve noticed that when I eat only veggies and protein for lunch, and drink water, I’m more likely to feel tired around 14-15 pm. When I eat carbs, my blood sugar drops and those afternoon cravings are on. Snack healthy foods like nuts, carrots, protein.
  4. Stretch your body. Do as many stretching exercises as possible at work, especially neck, shoulders, back. Also remember to exchange between sitting/standing position while you’re at your desk. I stand often times at work, because by standing I use my muscles more than I’d be using by sitting. I have less tension in my shoulders and back. few yoga stretches every morning does wonders too, both to mind and body.
  5. Let some information go. Clean your email box and delete 5 emails each day, so they don’t pile up. Keep your phone on silence when you need to focus. And close that Facebook. See if you feel any difference at the end of the day?
  6. Focus on HOW, not WHAT. So, you’re not crazy about your current job. While you’re figuring it out make an effort to give your best. Focus on how you do what you do at your job, not what is it that you do. It changes everything. How we think, what/who we attract to us, besides you’ll feel good, knowing you put quality out there, even though it’s not what you’re passionate about. See it as a practice. If you can bring quality to a job you don’t love, imagine the standard you can bring to the work you do love. It’s all about our own attitude.
  7. Play at work. Bring what you enjoy to your work. Let’s say it’s music, books, drawing, photography. Why not carry some music with you and listen to some on your break. Or take your camera out on your way to work. Read when you can. The truth is, if we wait for the perfect moment to do what we love, we’re either too tired or simply don’t even find time. So, get creative and bring your passion to work. Let’s assume you have 20 min. break and 30 min for lunch. Then you have 20 h x 5 every week in the middle of your cubicle job to actually do what you love and are passionate about. That affects your state of being and your work too.
  8. Become an agent of happiness. This is about work environment you can control. Don’t participate it gossiping, surprise your co workers with cake on an average Monday, smile, say good morning, drop your social mask and just be you.

What’s Your Purpose?

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 source: africayogaproject.org